If you’re feeling lost..

Friday night was a beautiful night. A special event called Soul Support happened at a local coffee shop and God told me to be the host. It was great. Things just flowed together perfectly. God is the perfect event planner. He made sure that there weren’t many stumbling blocks when putting this girl’s night together. I blinked and it was all set.

It’s safe to say that I love writing. I can write all day long. There is a ton of comfort in the idea of being able to edit my work…(teachers make grammatical errors too!) Sunday evening, I was a little shocked when I found out that I had to speak at the event. If you know me at all, you know that I either panic for words or I start talking and forget to shut up. There is no in between. “I am NOT a speaker” I told my roommate. I simply just wanted to plan the event and hide in the crowd.

Throughout the week, I worked on my stuff. I found scripture and went from there. It was pretty easy to make bullet points of major life events but how much am I supposed to elaborate on them? I had zero experience with this. But along with everything else, I asked God to take the reigns.

That’s where I was surprised.

Ya see, I have been wrong this whole time. This whole time I have blamed people for walking out. I have written blogs about the feeling of loneliness and how people just walk out. Girls would write me and explain that they are experiencing loneliness and friendships falling apart. I related to them and used their experiences along with my own and decided to write blogs and inspirational Instagram posts.

I had it all wrong and I didn’t know any of that until I was standing on stage telling my story. God showed up. I asked Him to show up and He dropped the mic.

As I shared my story, I quickly realized that I wasn’t abandoned. I removed myself. I think that we do this subconsciously. Regardless if it’s normal or not, I owe all of my people an apology.

I hid in my cube of a bedroom. I shut down. I removed myself from deep conversations. I put up a front that everything was wonderful when really I just wanted to cry. I pulled myself away from anything that would expose my true feelings of hurt, abandonment, or connection. Friends would call–I would text. And I blamed them for walking away.

In the Bible, we are taught about sheep and how we are like them. We know that sheep truly aren’t the smartest animals. They get lost, they are basically blind, they are stubborn, they tend to follow other sheep without noticing, and they get lost.

When is the last time that you felt lost?

I don’t think that we choose to “get lost.” I believe that it just sort of happens. Like sheep, sometimes we are following Jesus– The Good Shepherd and then quickly become  distracted by a butterfly in the field or something cool along the way. And before you know it, boom! You’ve lost The Shepherd. That’s when you think to yourself, “Where am I? Where is everyone else?

That’s where I was.

I was SO lost and confused. I believed ALL of the lies that the enemy was feeding me and I was isolated. The enemy had almost succeeded but then I heard the voice of the Good Shepherd.

Lysa TerKeurst mentions in one of her studies that we often ask God, where are you? When instead we should ask, God where have I wandered off to?

He’s there.

There were so many times when I questioned God’s plans. Why was I heartbroken, alone, and rejected? Why did this heartbreak keeping getting more intense? Why was he moving on when I was still here in this bedroom-crying? Why?

Sheep may not be the smartest animals but they know the sound of their shepherd’s voice. I find that pretty neat. Just like a sheep, I heard God telling me He cared.

There are many ways that we can hear God’s voice. My favorite is The Word. There’s no such thing as coincidence. I love reading scripture and hearing God through verses and devotionals. Obedience, God’s peace, Godly counsel, listening, and worship are some other wonderful ways that we are able to hear from the Lord.

I am not sure if you feel trapped in a bedroom right now or in isolation. Maybe you have wandered astray and you haven’t even realized it yet. The good news is that our Shepherd comes after us. He doesn’t leave us in those lonely bedrooms with broken hearts.He calls us by name and He fixes us in sweet time. We are headed towards our purpose and in the meantime, He is preparing us and cleaning us up so that we can be the people that we are meant to be.

Standing on stage was scary. I was exposed to the truth behind it all. It was ugly and I was SO embarrassed. I was in this deep dark hole all by myself because I put myself there. I almost let the enemy win but instead–my people stood up there with Jesus and threw a ladder down and told me to climb on up. I didn’t have to stay lost.

James 4:8 “Come near to God and He will come near to you.”

We can’t do life alone, people. Also, you can’t push people away that care for you and want to help. Let them in. Have deep conversations that are full of realness and truth. Don’t stay in that hole. It’s time to come on out.

xoxo

 

Wait Well

If there is one thing that I hate, it’s waiting. Seriously, waiting sucks.

SO BAD.

I am such an impatient person. When I want something or want change–I want it immediately.

I was talking to one of my best friends the other night and she asked me if I noticed how everyone in our little friend circle is waiting for something..

She’s right. It doesn’t matter what we are waiting for; the boy, a ring, peace at work, a beach body, or a new car. We are ALL waiting–and it sucks.

Girlfriend, I don’t know about you. It may be that you have been in this season for 5 years or 5 months–regardless, I feel your pain. We all are there.

A few days ago, my inner brat came out and I asked God why was he putting me through all of this? Why am I so tired? Where is He? Why do I constantly feel the enemy attacking? Why am I angry? Why does he bring people in our lives JUST to take them out again?

So many “uninviteds” pop up in our lives during these seasons. Anxiety, fear, stress, doubt, and insecurity love to pull the rug out from underneath me from time to time–especially when I feel like I am actually becoming stable on my own two feet. This is where I find myself being angry–being angry at God more specifically.

Many girls ask me, “How do I wait? What do I do now?”

Wait well, my friend.

HAHA, if you’re anything like me you’re gonna need a list of examples..

‘Waiting well’ means living.

Travel, save money, take that class, hang out with your girls, serve.

I think that we sometimes think that we are supposed to sit still and just wait for it to end all on its own and I think that’s where we’re wrong. Of course, prayer is always a go to. I sometimes wonder..uhhh, am I praying too much?

No. 1 Thessalonians 5:16 says, “Pray without ceasing.”

Also…

  1. Work on your relationship with God. Take the first step and pick up the phone and call God back. Get in your Bible–daily. Memorize scripture. Communicate and tell your thoughts to God. Tell Him when you’re angry. He loves when we are real.
  2. Invest in your friendships. I love my girls. I have had the same circle of girlfriends for a majority of my life. I have picked up some new ones along the way but each one has stayed by my side through the good times and the bad. I know for a fact that I could not get through these long, hard seasons without my best friends.
  3. Love yourself. What do you love to do? Do it. What are some things that you have always wished to do? Go do it and explore it. Create that bucket list.
  4. Serve. I say this with a weird feeling in my stomach. Serving is hard. Whether or not you are leading a study, volunteering at church, or helping your neighbors–remember, it is so easy to get burnt out. Allow someone to pour into you while you pour all that you have into others. I have been there–you’ll end up empty with nothing left to give.

My bestie lives in Jacksonville and last Sunday her pastor was preaching on the waiting season. I laughed when she told me that she immediately thought of me. It was one of those situations where I wanted to cry but what would be the point? It was true. I personally feel like I am waiting for a million things right now and that can get discouraging, BUT there is hope and I have discovered it by memorizing scripture.

Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect.”

Psalm 51:10 says, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”

And lastly,  Philippians 4:6 tells us, “Do not be anxious about anything but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

Please know, I am waiting with you and always remember to wait well, my friend.

xoxo

 

 

Most of my life was spent praying for things. I wish I could tell you that I enjoyed talking to God growing up, but I didn’t. God was sort of like my last resort. When Allie couldn’t fix things…I would be like, ‘heeeey God–by the way, can ya help me out?’

I think our lives are made up of praying about things–whether you are in a good place or not. Most include asking for signs, clarification, and His appearance. At least, my prayers are like that. I am guilty of always asking God to show up as if He’s not already there. Maybe it’s the comfort of it all or just plain silliness–I am basically asking God if he wants to hang out, LOL!

I think it’s neat to see our desires change when growing up–like our goals, jobs, hobbies, how we spend our time and relationships. Friendships expire while others are created. Sometimes it takes months and sometimes it may only take a day. I remember praying for things and looking back, I was blessed with more than I asked for. What a brat to only notice that recently.

Can I be honest for a second? In the past I tried to control things–even horrible relationships. Like the ones that I should be super embarrassed about. I won’t go into too much detail, but there were some that I really could have cared less about. I didn’t care if they ended it was just the word “break-up” that got me all out of whack. Imagining people saying that I am single again was probably my biggest worry. Imagine fighting with your sister or friend over a shirt. You’re trying so hard to get it out of their hands that it rips, right? Yeah, that was me fighting for that dumb relationship.  I feel like I was fighting with God saying,”no, this is mine and you can’t have it.” Then it ripped. Thank GOODNESS it ripped. Sometimes we sacrifice who are in order to get it. But that’s not the way that it’s supposed to go, right?

Right.

My mom sent me an article today that really hit home. In fact, I may or may not have cried when reading it. But that’s not much of a surprise because I tend to cry happy and sad tears over just about anything these days. It was about God’s logic and timing.

TOTALLY MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.

Timing is something that doesn’t have a rewind or a fast-forward button. We often complain and wish that we could go back in time and fix this or apologize for that. Then you have those people who wish we could fast-forward through the hard-waiting seasons. Or maybe that’s just me?

Whether it’s your job, dating life, marriage, or financial situation–ya gotta wait it out and pray it out.

Here’s a clip from the article that really hit home with me. “If the timing had been different, things might’ve worked out for us. I was okay with that. I really was. I didn’t expect anything, especially anything good. It was too good to be true, and that made it easy for me to dismiss. If something like this happened (or almost happened) in years past, I would’ve been stressing over it. Working every angle to try to make it happen. But that’s not where I was. God had me somewhere different. I had been putting my future in His hands and was feeling good about leaving it there. I have a feeling that’s part of why it came to be in the end…because I was okay with it, even if it didn’t.”

I love this. This is some great stuff. I see many girls and ladies in my life that struggle with this. I can pick up on it because I am one of them. If we could just realize and REALLY understand that if we give it up–we might just get it. Or if you strive for last place, you might just get first. Most importantly, you have to die to live. It’s God’s logic! Yeah, it doesn’t really make sense and when you read it. I don’t think God intended for it to. Dig deep and process the idea of letting go.

Trust His timing. His timing and plan is immaculate.

I mean that and I fully believe it. I read lots of posts from girls that write about finding their dream guy, or their dream job, etc. I just want to encourage you and tell you that it’s not over. He is still working, maybe at a slower pace but great things take a lot of time. His plan is divine and His plan is good. Better than anything you could ever put together for yourself.

Now I am not saying that I haven’t been tempted to grab the remote and press fast-forward through the yucky stuff–because I have. But, all of this makes you who you are. You get to learn and feel things that you never have felt before. That feeling of peace and contentment is SO much better than the anxiety and fear that I felt in the past when chasing guys and playing tug-of-war with God. My season has given me that–an overwhelming amount of peace. I am almost to a point where I want to slow it down, because I don’t want to miss this. I don’t want to miss a single thing.

Here’s my point–give it up..completely. If it comes back to you–it’s yours to keep and you won’t question it. You will know that God believes that you’re ready. But until then, enjoy the ride. Seriously—take your shoes off and stay a while because it’s about to get good–real good.

This week I am memorizing some scripture. Wanna join me?

–> “Let us strive to know the Lord. His appearance is as good as the dawn. He will come to us like the rain, like the spring that waters the land. Hosea 6:3

–> “Blessed be the Lord, who has not left you this day without a redeemer.” -Ruth 4:14

–> “May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” -Romans 15:5-6

–> “Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or trust worthy, think about such things.” -Philippians 4:8

 

XOXO

 

 

a new slogan

Growing up a daddy’s girl always made me feel like I was a big deal. I was spoiled rotten because he would buy me anything I wanted. We spent so much time together. In fact, I remember being around the age of four and my dad asking me if I wanted to ride with him to drop some trash off at the trash dump. I was so excited to go on a quick date with my daddy.

“Yes, but I have to get ready first!”

Little Allie came out of her bedroom in a church dress and dress shoes with lacey socks. I looked my best to ride to the trash dump with the man that hung the moon. I loved every date I had with my dad growing up. One of my favorites was when I was 15. He took me to dinner at Creek Rats on a Friday night before dropping me off at my best friend’s house for our weekly sleepover. We bonded over seafood and funny stories. As the dinner came to an end, with tears in his eyes– he gave me a ring. On the ring were the little words ‘true love waits.’ Most girls my age would have been so embarrassed and would have thrown that thing in a jewelry box and never thought anything of it, but I wore mine. I was proud of it. I was proud that I was able to promise my daddy and Jesus that I would wait until my wedding day. I had full intentions of being the girl that saved herself for her husband.

Life took a turn.

High school and college made me feel damaged. I was desperate for the relationship status. If I saw the words ‘in a relationship with..’ on my Facebook profile-I felt good inside. I felt wothy. Like “YES! Someone likes me!”

Part of me blamed an event that happened in elementary school.

When I was in the second grade, my brother and I spent countless afternoons playing at my dad’s work. We had so many adventures and the craziest imaginations ever. One afternoon we were playing outside. My brother went inside to get us a drink out of a drink machine. In the 5 minutes that he was gone, a stranger popped out of nowhere behind my dad’s building and almost destroyed a little girl. At the time, I didn’t understand it. I didn’t see what the big deal was. Maybe he was playing along too? The police didn’t believe me. My parents were furious and heartbroken. My big brother felt like he failed at protecting me. A part of my childhood was taken from me. I was watched on the playground at school by my teachers. And due to all of this, I was so wrapped up in fear.

The older I got the more vivid that day became. I remembered things and saw things clearer. I made myself believe I was so unworthy. I felt broken. I didn’t want to bring it up to my mom because I didn’t want to remind her of the day that she felt like her whole world had fallen apart. I just lived with the painful thoughts.

Being a girl that did what she wanted, I used this as an excuse. An excuse to give my heart to boys who didn’t really want it. Although, I was the good girl in town for the majority of my life–I gave my heart away rather fast to anyone who would never appreciate me.

I forgot how worthy and how loved I really was.

One of my biggest regrets is not letting my dad meet every guy I went on a date with first. I was scared that if I asked them to meet my dad that would give them a reason to dump me or think that I was moving way too fast. Maybe too, I knew that my dad would shut the door real quick and tell me to get back to my room because there was no way I was allowed to get in a car with him. HA!

I really hurt my dad. Especially because he was my best friend growing up. He saw my worth–why didn’t I?

Kind of like our Heavenly Father. I avoided time with Jesus because I was so ashamed. I was ashamed that I took that promise ring off of my finger when I turned 18. I was ashamed that I went on a date with a boy that was against everything I believed in. I was ashamed that I posted 100 pictures in my bikini on social media to get 100 likes. I was ashamed that I tried to find my worth in all of the things that weren’t found in Jesus.

These last few months, I have taken a break from guys and dating. This season of singleness has been so beautiful. I learn something new every day. One of my favorites is how I am worth it. I am completely worthy of a beautiful relationship despite my past.

I am worth having a guy pick me up and walk me to my door.

I am worth a call just to say goodnight instead of a Snapchat.

I am worth a guy meeting my dad on the first date.

I am worth the good morning texts and the love letters.

AND SO ARE YOU.

Your past does not matter. There is so much grace found in Jesus. He is forgiving and loving and just like my earthly father–He is my biggest fan. He is yours too!

I discovered my slogan-‘Finding Our Worth’ when taking a glimpse at my story. I am a beautiful mess, yall. Who isn’t? God didn’t sit up in heaven and gasp when I made those mistakes. He knew I was going to. He knew that I would someday be here telling you where I have been and where I am going. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for those drunken nights and horrible dates.

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God… “-Ephesians 2:4-9

If I could, I would go back and tell that little girl in the second grade that wore the tweetie bird outfit that she was worth it. That even though some disgusting man made her feel differently–she was loved and she was oh so worth it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

to the girl that hides in her bedroom

Our trash gets picked up on Fridays. Sometimes it’s easy to forget to put our trash can out by the road. We hate when this happens, why? Because the trash keeps piling up and eventually the trash can is overflowing–also, the garage begins to really smell.

EW.

Wouldn’t it be so cool if we could put all of our junk out by the road too? Like think about it. All of the crap from our past is put outside on Thursday nights and by Friday afternoon it’s collected and you NEVER have to see or think about it again.

I think most of us are discouraged by our past.

When I look back at my past, I see a lot of disappointment and failure. I started things just to quit them. I loved all of the bad boys. I spent my time using my fake I.D rather than spending time working on my GPA. I avoided Christian friendships because I didn’t like the conviction and guilt that came along it. I broke a promise that I made to Jesus, myself and my dad.

I was the girl that hid upstairs in her bedroom because I knew I was wrong but I continued to live it.

Over time, I forgot what conviction was. I never felt convicted by my actions–maybe I ignored it or maybe I had just forgotten. Who knows??

I have found the importance of being real.

When I met Jesus in 2009, I was a Christian that put up a front. I went to church and youth group every week and put on the sweet girl act but deep down, was I really a sweet girl?

No.

I am ashamed to say it, but it’s true. I found security in the phrase, “we have to make our own mistakes.”

That phrase led me to believe that “Hey, this is MY life. You’re wrong. I am right. And I am going to do it regardless.”

It’s kind of like my dog Tucker. He is a Boykin that wants to eat EVERYTHING. Even the grossest things. I know that he shouldn’t and it’s super bad for him–so I try and stop him by closing doors, saying no, and tapping his nose. However, if you look online or ask around, people always say, “oh dogs will be dogs” and he wants to do it anyways because well, he’s a dog.

Yeah, sin is in our human nature and very inevitable. But we have got to remember the freedom that is involved. We are no longer slaves to our sin because of the hope and grace that is found in my Lord.

THANK JESUS.

Yeah, I hung out in bars, hugged many toilets from late nights, stayed with boyfriends, quit sports, and tried to drop out of college. But, all of that is yesterday.

I don’t know where that girl is anymore. Thankfully I haven’t seen her in a very long time. Thankfully the Lord’s grace and mercies are new EVERY single day.

It’s kind of exciting though, right? I mean if you think about it, I can compare my life now to what it was then.. and wow! It’s so different–completely different.

I also have a cool story to tell. I love a good story and even though it’s full of shame and guilt it’s also full of forgiveness and grace.

This change is beautiful. However it’s very lonely.

Running towards Jesus is lonesome yet very rewarding.

Friendships fade and you discover what’s truly important.

Today, I can maybe count on two hands the people in my life that check on me, pray with me, and just truly want to be there for me. I can also promise that there is so much richness and sweetness that are found in those friendships.

I remember wanting to give up. I remember telling Jesus that it wasn’t fair how he was taking people out of my life. These were my girls!

If you are feeling like this, I am sorry. I know it’s hard. I can also assure you that the more you plug into Jesus the more change you begin to see. It may not happen over night but over the course of time–you begin to see it. You will see the silver linings and spend your time investing in people that also invest in you. Trust in the Lord.

What does the Bible say about this? Let’s see.

“But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you.”-Luke 6:27-28

“Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. And do everything with love.”-1 Corinthians 16:13-14

“If God is for us, who can be against us?”-Romans 8:31

“Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.”- Zechariah 4:10

You’ve got this, sister.

Share your story.

Remember His mercy.

Run towards Jesus. Pursue THAT relationship. Don’t worry about the others.

You are so loved.

xoxo

 

 

something beautiful

Have ya ever had an exciting, exhausting, crazy, overwhelming, or mind blowing week? Or maybe all of the above? Yeah, same.

This week has been unreal.

It’s beautiful though, because the Lord has revealed so much to me.

Tuesday night, I called my mom sobbing. I am in the middle of starting a ministry and I just really thought that all of this was going to be smooth sailing. That’s too easy though, right?

Let’s back up. I am getting ahead of myself here.

A few weeks ago, I emailed Jordan Lee from Soul Scripts and asked if she would be interested in coming to South Carolina to speak to the girls in my community. It was kind of one of those things where you know you’ll never hear back but what could it hurt? Ever had one of those? Yep, me too! I thought this was one of them.

To my surprise, I got a response just a few days later. She said that she would love to and we discussed pricing. I’m not going to lie, the price was very discouraging. How am I going to raise almost $1,300??? I work and tutor crazy hours of the week and I just don’t see how this is going to work.

God told me to say yes. So I did.

I posted a picture on Instagram to see what type of reaction I was going to get. I got a few likes and a text from my mother goose. She was very concerned that I had agreed. I totally understood why too. We are talking lots of money here–lots! I explained how the Lord was telling me to do this and I remember her saying, “you need to seriously pray. Ask God if this is His will,  and if it is–that you will be His hands and feet but HE needs to LEAD you.”

So guess what? That night when I prayed, I picked up my phone and reread her text and told God just that.

Just wait. It gets better. 

I sat down and played with numbers. After some hard thinking, I decided that if I could sell 100 tickets for $10 that would give us $1,000 and that was BEST case scenario. All I would need to do is raise $250. That’s not too bad.

I annoyed social media with posts and advertisement for this event. Sorry guys!

For Christmas, my dad surprised me with a wall decal. This wasn’t just any wall decal. The night of my birthday (December 6th) my parents gave me all kinds of fun calligraphy things to help start my new hobby. That night I sat down eager to begin. I wrote out, ” I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Being a little bit proud of my work, I sent it in the family group chat. Somehow my dad took that picture and made it in a wall decal to stick above my window in my bedroom. *cue the water works*

My brother kept saying, “you should write things and make decals and sell them on your blog! It could be something.”

“Nah, that seems like a lot of work,” I kept replying.

Well, time was ticking and I was trying to think of some sort of fundraiser. A dear friend of mine and I got to talking and we came up with the idea of decals. That night I drew some things and my brother made it happen. I now had 5 awesome decals for people to choose from that held so much meaning.

I stuck my logo on my car and snapped a picture for Instagram. Later that night I stuck decals on my laptop, and Bible and posted another picture.

MY PHONE AND LAPTOP WERE BLOWING UP WITH ORDERS.

Yall, I literally panicked. WHY DID I NOT COME UP WITH AN EASIER WAY TO DO THIS?!

I kept seeing messages and hearing that annoying Facebook message sound.

I avoided everything. Any type of social  media needed to be turned off. Immediately.

I didn’t know how to do this.

That’s when it happened.

I started thinking and telling myself, “This isn’t you–you are not supposed to be doing this.”

Uhh, has anyone else ever been there?

I immediately grabbed my phone (ignored every single notification) and called my mom. I just cried. Like the ugly cry.

Thank the Lord for her. She gave me such encouraging words and helped walk me through everything.

With her on the phone, I slowly began responding to messages and taking those 100 orders.

My brother and Jordan Lee helped me make things easier. Adam opened up an Etsy shop to use to sell the decals, and Jordan told me a great website to use for selling tickets. All of those word documents can rest now–as well as myself.

Why do we do these things to ourselves?

Today, one of my dear friends named Carmen was texting me. I pretty much laid all of my crap on the table. I told her the same thing I told my mom–that this wasn’t me. I love her response to my text. In fact, do you mind if I share our conversation?

Allie: “The other day I felt like I was trying to be something I’m not 😦 I know that sounds silly.”

Carmen: “Why thought? Like 1.) who did you feel like you were 2)who did you feel like you weren’t? And 3.) WHO told you were/were not?”

Allie: “I feel like I am trying to be the next Jennie Allen or the next Beth Moore. I don’t feel like I am the old Allie which–hallelujah I don’t. And I told myself–I’m not which was probably just the devil–right? I just feel like I’m not Allie anymore.”

Carmen: “You’re not Allie anymore! You are a NEW creation, you know. And think about new things. A baby is a good example. When that baby is new, it knows nothing except instincts to cry. But as that baby learns and grows , that baby is new and different EVERY day. Learns new things daily, tries new things, fails a lot, but gets back up. But all the while you have the enemy AND your flesh to fight. Which is why it’s imperative to look UP. Kids are short. When they want parent’s attention, what do they do?  Look UP. And then the parent can respond to the need. The same with the Lord! He’s responding to your “need” to be renewed.

Also, something I started trying to learn right now is the concept of “stay in your lane.” If you’re too busy looking at who is in the lane beside you, you’ll either slow down to watch or you’ll keep full speed ahead and miss the wall and crash into it. You’re NOT Jennie Allen. You’re NOT Beth Moore. (Thank goodness cuz she kinda too much for me sometimes LOL) but you are the only Allie there is. Don’t try to be them. Because you’ll fail every time. Just be Allie and be the Allie the Lord wants you to be. All you have to do is stay in YOUR lane.”

The point of all of this is, I trusted and obeyed God. I have spent countless hours trying to plan this event. And the devil has used  my insecurity and tried to tell me that I was wrong and that this wasn’t right. I can’t really explain why because I don’t know. Spiritual warfare is AWFUL. The devil hates when you and the Lord start working together.

Aren’t you glad that we have The Holy Spirit and we have been blessed with grace, love and hope? I know I am.

The Lord spoke to me through my dear friend and mom. He does crazy things like that you know.

So now that this event is easy to manage and plan. Thanks to my fabulous brother! We have sold 82 tickets! YAY!!! And over $750 in decals!!! The Lord is crazy like that!!!!

The event is paid for and any money left over will be donated to Jordan Lee and her amazing ministry and another organization designed for the victims of human sex-trafficking.

The Lord has blown my mind with ALL of this. HE DID IT ALL!!  It’s such a sweet and beautiful thing. We still have 18 tickets and plenty of decals to sell–in case you were wondering!

So sisters, when the Lord whispers plans in your ear. DO it. It may be scary and it may cost a pretty penny but there is NOTHING that He can’t do. I am dying for March 24th to get here. I can only imagine what the Lord is going to do inside of those walls.

Who’s coming to witness it with me??

Remember, obey. Look UP and BE YOU! Oh yeah, and place EVERY bit of trust you have in the Lord. He’s so great!

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/jordan-lee-soulscripts-tickets…(BUY YOUR TICKETS HERE!)

Etsy.com –CultivatedinGrace (Buy your decals here!)

January 1, 2017!!!

Can we just take a minute or two to reflect on 2016? What was your year like?

Maybe some of you met the love of your life, got engaged or married or became a mom. Or just maybe the odds weren’t in your favor and you experienced divorce, a breakup, a miscarriage, or decided to get help and go to rehab.

All of these things can make or break a year.

Yesterday, I spent some time running outside. It was freezing and I felt like I was dying but there was also something so very peaceful and special about my mile run. I used this time to reflect on my year. What worked and what didn’t?

Ya see, last year I was so busy trying to make myself happy. I poured myself into relationships and friendships that weren’t doing me any good. I spent my weekends at bars, chasing boys and just dying to feel something.

Thinking back, it makes me sad and that’t not the point of all of this.

The point of all of this is that crap stays in 2016. We have a clean slate, a fresh start. That break up you are experiencing doesn’t matter anymore. Maybe you hate yourself for sleeping around, or it could be that you spent your new years passed out on the bathroom floor. Whatever it is that you’re mad at yourself for–forgive yourself. I know it still still hurts but we are given freedom on January 1st. His mercy and love renews every single morning. Maybe it’s a mindset? I don’t know. But, if you have faith in Jesus-He will see us through.

Today, instead of wallowing in self-pity– make a list. Yes, I am one of those girls that LOVES a list.

Go ahead, create a list of goals not resolutions. For some crazy reason, goals sounds more promising. What do YOU want to do differently this year? Listed below are just a few of mine and since we are friends here, I am going to ask you to hold me accountable. Find someone you are close to– to do the same for you. Accountability is so great.

  • Listen more–speak less
  • Lead a Bible study (Cultivated in Grace)
  • Be obedient to God
  • Plug in at church (Kidspring)
  • Quit blaming myself for everything
  • Live a healthy lifestyle (come on yall, it’s inevitable)
  • Love God
  • Love others
  • Love myself

Of course budgeting and all that jazz is on there too BUT you get my point..hopefully. Please remember that we have freedom. We are NOT trapped in our sins. We can get out. That incredible man died on a wooden cross so that you and I could have redemption. We are not slaves to our pasts. We are F R E E. Just ask and you shall receive. Make today the best day of your life by asking for forgiveness and become a child of God. Such a perfect start to a new year.

If there is any way that I can help you please feel free to contact me at  roarkallie@gmail.com. 

Of course, I am doing a little giveaway.. It’s a new year and who doesn’t love free stuff?? I truly believe that spending time with God is a necessity which leads me to Lara Casey’s Write the Word journal. The winner will receive her very own journal and a Cultivated in Grace decal. What better way to start the year! Please comment for your chance to win. Bonus points to those who share:) just saying! Winner will be announced one week from today! 1-8-16

I love you all and I have an insane feeling that 2017 will be our year!

 

tis the season

I don’t know about you, but I always get a little bit excited about a new season. I love when spring time finally hits. There is nothing like sandals, warm sunshine and sunglasses. And we all love when things began to cool off with crisp fall air, the sweet aroma of pumpkin candles and a Pumpkin Spice lattes. If you are from the south, you usually go overboard and get a pumpkin spice anything–no judgement, I promise.

In our lives, we go through seasons as well. Some of our seasons last longer than others. Sometimes we get so bored and we wonder why things haven’t gotten exciting  yet. More than likely, we have said a prayer or four and things are just as sucky as they were before. These seasons lead to discouragement and we often want to throw in the reigns and give up OR you could be impatient like me and tell God, “hey-never mind, I’ve got this. You’re taking way too long.”

Girls, if you have ever said or thought this disgusting thought– I feel ya.

If only God could just give me what I want. I would be SO happy. –but would we really?

Let’s go back in time for a minute.

Years ago, months ago, some odd days ago I’ll admit that I  have always been on the search for something. This something was a man that would blow my expectations out of the water, love me, pursue me and marry me. I wanted those things SO BAD. I wanted babies. Three to be exact–names picked out and everything. When I was 6 years old, I always wanted to play house and I always wanted to be the mom. It was a desire that I was born with and there is nothing wrong with that. (If you feel that way and you scare a guy off then more than likely HE AIN’T THE ONE. Men (good men) should desire a woman that possesses those qualities or a lady that longs for that because at this point in time–it’s beautiful. (At least that’s what I tell myself.)

So I dated and I loved. I think sometimes I forced myself to like some because well, I am not getting any younger–right? And well, there are only so many guys in this town. Deep down I knew that it wasn’t right–something wasn’t right.

I can remember a time when I met this guy through a friend and well, to me–it seemed like a fairytale. After we met, we wasted no time. We spent all of our free time together, joined each others families, and said the “I love yous.” Girls, I seriously swore that he was the one. We talked about marriage and making moves so we could be closer to each other.

It’s sad to say, but God wasn’t first in our relationship. If He would have been, maybe things would have been different-who’s to say? But after a year and some months–things fell apart. I was devastated. I lost the future that I thought I had. I lost the boy that I loved with my whole heart. He was my best friend and what felt like my everything.

I tried to control my life and find a replacement until it was time for him to step back into the picture. Some of these guys were worse than others. Now, I am not saying that these are bad guys but they were bad for me.

I had a God-size hole in my heart that was impossible to fill.

I chased after guys that rejected me. I almost found comfort in that. Maybe I was scared to feel something that real again. I wanted to fix them even though I knew it was an insane thought and would never happen. I needed to fix myself and I couldn’t even do that. Everyone in my life would agree.

All of these events led to the season of singleness that I am currently facing. A lot of you have been asking me how do I do it and how do I find comfort? It’s simple. You just gotta surrender it. I know that I cannot control my life– let alone my dating life. If I were, I would end up with another guy that would probably reject me and make me cry. It’s a girl thing.

Ya see, I am very thankful for all of the relationships that failed. Yes, I am single and I have a dog instead of a little one BUT I probably would have been missing out on the opportunity or thought of getting to know God. All because of that broken heart that was never mended–that God-size hole quickly began to fill up with His love and His grace and His mercy.

This season has helped me heal and let go. I never would be able to get over all of the heartache and scars without His help and His healing.

I had to let go. Let go of the things that were holding me back and dragging me down. Because of that, I am allowed to focus on me. It’s becoming clear what He is doing in my life and what He is capable of doing. I am mind blown. I never in a million years would have thought this would be me. I mean, I was the girl that spent my weekends at bars and now I am reaching out to help other ladies that experience pain–YIKES. This is neat.

So whether or not you have had 5o boyfriends or none. He’s got such an awesome purpose for your life. Quit staring at the clock and live. Live your life to glorify the Lord. He will BLOW your flippin mind with your future–if you let Him. So whether or not we are in the same season, a season is a season and  I want to leave you with this verse. My best friend sent it to me last night and asked for it to be our verse for 2017.

Since we are basically friends here, I want to challenge you as well.

Psalm 27:14 says, “Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.”

Remember that Simeon waited nearly a bundle of years on the Lord’s promise. But he waited and he waited patiently. He wasn’t a brat like me. He didn’t get frustrated and give up on the Lord. He served the Lord, he loved His neighbors and was obedient. Once he held baby Jesus in His arms he told the Lord that he could now depart in peace for His eyes have now seen His salvation. HOW SWEET.

Remember that God ALWAYS fulfills His promises. The Holy Spirit that lived with Simeon lives with me and lives with YOU! That’s kind of neat–isn’t it?

So, today..

A need for a hubby isn’t a desire like it used to be. I enjoy my job, women’s ministry and just being a friend. All that other stuff can wait! 🙂 I hope my story will encourage you in your season of singleness or season of waiting as well!

Merry Christmas! Happy birthday Jesus!

xoxo

Allie

 

 

take it from me, you are already amazing

Sisters, I want you to close your eyes and think back to your last meltdown?

Got it?

Mine was last week and it was over something incredibly silly.

At that moment, I felt like the world stopped and the room was caving in. SO EMBARRASSING. Wanna know why? Because I was in a public place.. in a stairwell to be exact. Did that stop the tears? Nope. They just kept on coming. I was the girl UGLY crying on the stairs in front of so many people.

Yikes.

I have talked to many girls who often feel discouraged of who they are and where they are going. They are scared to step out and serve the Lord because this world that we live in is scary. People are so quick to screenshot and laugh or talk about you behind your back.

And as soon as you begin to change your life for the better, you friend circle gets smaller and you slowly feel like you are forgotten.

These events cause meltdowns. We begin to feel much less than amazing. But you are. You are so amazing. Just because you are YOU.

Or maybe you are the girl that feels like a mess and leaves a mess whenever she leaves.

I think at times we forget that we are human beings–very messy human beings. We make every wrong decision before we are left with the right one. We are often left with messes that we have no choice but to clean up by ourselves. We cry until there are no more tears to cry. Thank goodness that they run out after a while.

The good news is that it’s okay.

We often live through situations that leave us feeling discouraged. Like we can’t possibly continue on the path that we are on. We want to quit.

For example, for some time I have felt led to lead a Bible study for college and high school girls. I was scared to make it known because, what if no one responded on social media? Everyone would know that I failed.

Well, I wrote the post and I posted it on Instagram and Facebook. I want you to guess how many girls took the bait..

ONE.

At that time, I wanted to delete the posts, delete my account and run into my closet and hide. That is pretty embarrassing, right?

Well, it’s a good thing I didn’t do those things BECAUSE…a few days later I took some time to pray about it. I was pretty angry and I questioned the Lord, because after all I was trying to be obedient here. In my conversation with God, I asked him to make it clear to me. I wasn’t sure if this was an actual calling or if maybe this was just something that I wanted to do and wanted it to be a calling. I asked him to slap me in the face with His answer.

That day, 15 girls signed up. FIFTEEN. Yep, he made it clear.

I now have 21 girls that have eagerly signed up to join the community. God is GOOD.

However, if I could go back in time–I would hit myself with some truth because the truth is that it’s not about the numbers. Why did I feel so discouraged when one girl signed up. That’s one girl in this town that I could help. That should be encouraging to keep on.

I would also pick that little mess of a girl up off of the stairs, hug her and tell she’s going to be okay. That girl has some pretty incredible friends that love her and a Lord that died on the cross so that she could be united in heaven with Him one day.

My point here is that we all face battles of different kinds. Instead of quitting or letting defeat knock you down, let’s scoot up closer to our Lord and let Him whisper to us that it’s going to be okay. You’re already amazing. Embrace that.

The Lord may end your subscription to old friend circles, you may cry some ugly tears, or maybe you’ll pitch a fit and ask God to slap you in the face–discouragement gets the best of us sometimes.

Discouragement can be ugly but leaning into God and obeying is beautiful.

This Sunday night I will be choosing one lucky girl to receive her own copy of You’re Already Amazing by Holley Gerth. This book is a must read for any girl of any age. Make sure you leave a comment  below to enter this giveaway! Merry Christmas and remember that you are SO LOVED.

XOXO

pick your battles

I am going to be super honest with you. I mean, that’s the point right?

I told my roommate tonight that I was going to write. She asked what I wanted to write about and I told her “the struggle.” As I began to write, I closed my laptop due to writer’s block and a puppy that was fighting for my attention. I decided to come back to it later after I put the puppy to bed–such a dog mom. A little while later,  I decided to do a Bible study that I have been putting off for a few days and wouldn’t you know–my study was called “THE STRUGGLE IS REAL.” I am not making this up, yall.

A couple of months ago, I chose to begin my days in the word. That extra 30 minutes of sleep is great-I mean real great but no matter what time I wake up, I am still going to be tired. Am I right? And there is something just so filling about a morning spent in your write the word journal.

After a  consistent week in the word, I began to question a lot of things and freaking out a bit–(I tend to freak out A LOT.) Life was getting harder than it was before. You know the mornings when I chose sleeping in.  It almost seemed like I was fighting a constant battle that I was NEVER going to win.

Um, hello God–ya there? Where ya at? 

My weeks were filled with a combination of things; discouragement, worry, anxiety, exhaustion, heartbreak, distance from friends, stress at work, and zero patience,. Some battles felt bigger than others, but in the end–they were still my battles.

See, I think this is where we tend to get lost and confused. These things make it so easy to give up and quit.

But, don’t.

The Bible tells us that the battle used to be against God. But now as believers the battle is FOR God.

These seasons and challenges were made so that we could lean in close to God, and rely on Him. We need God and these battles are there to remind us of that. Consider these opportunities to rely on God instead of times to rely on ourselves. Because I don’t know about you, but I sure as heck cannot fix my problems. Been there and done that and I may have made the mess worse instead of actually cleaning it up–oops!

The glory of God is our ultimate hope.

If we place our hope in God–we will not be disappointed. He is our peace. We have been saved and reconciled by Him.

So whatever season it is you are going through, remember that you have victory in the cross. You are not alone. We all have battles that we are trying to fight. Don’t get tired and give up. Fight your battle for the Lord and remember that your weapons and supplies that you need to win this fight are found in Him alone.

My days and weeks are still hard. I still have battles and I am still in the same seasons. The important thing is that I chose to fight my battles differently than I did before. When you surrender each day to the Lord–you’ll feel a huge load being taken off your shoulders. I think that’s the point of all of this–He wants me to fully rely on Him– and well, He’s got it.

Don’t give up– no matter how real the struggle is.

Isaiah 41:10 says “fear not, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”